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I have days which turning my mind “upside down” lately. From meeting a chemistry MSc who are now in reaching his PhD in the Netherlands who memorize the whole Al Quran  in his teens and just 1 year older that me. Meeting Math PhD from UK university and really down to earth. And watching  youtube debates of astonishing man Mehdi Hassan in Oxford Union and Doha Debate and Nabila Ramdani in the Doha Debate.Not to mention an astonishing video on TalktoIslam

I found a very spiritful One Ok Rock song: Keep it real which teach me to be confident in reaching my dream whether others mock me as a child or not. I mean, whats wrong if I chase my own destiny using the astonishing child wide massive creativity and unlimited imagination. I remember when a frend of mine commenting on my yellow pencil.
“O, this is cute”
“yes, I love it. I bought it in Manila”
“But wait, for kids?”
“yes, for kids”
then we loughs. I mean, the cute pencil has written : for kids. Well, I am 23 years old and no longer a kid. But, go on, being mature is not based on wheter I like kids stuff or not, is it?

Other awesome things that is happening, awesome people are liking my status in fb. Not to be brag or arrogant, but that inserting something to me: Nurul, you have something to share. I mean, like what I have written in past post, that I just find the real me in 8th of September 2013. The 3,5 years before, I am a person who are standing behind certain people that I believe and I summon and make a mandate on my self that I have to be like them. Entirely. That is the day of my liberty begin. And yes, after I see my notes in facebook, I found that the notes I made before that dates, mostly -some, if not entirely- talking about regret and sadness and being not accepted in certain circumstances.

Realizing in my self, that Allah has given me certain aptitude which I can use for the humanity raise me to the level of free human. I really feel that I become free of who I am.  That Islam is really raise me up. This is not merely ritual of shalat or but also the way of though way of life and way to be free from low whims and desires. Islam doesn’t ban the whim or desires, in certain context, I can have it in a halal way of course.

I’ve tried to experiment on hedonism. I get back home in my hometown try to find a refuge of cramped task of  a college life. Then what I do mostly sleep and eat fruits and not do many walks for 3 or 4 days. Ignoring what happen in the world around me and try not to think a ‘heavy’ though. All is really hedonism. Then yes, I found that I am sick at the end. It was kind of hard for me to breath and I got coughs. And I really feel unwell. Then I come up to the conclusion: human cannot really be in the good condition if the follow they hedonism desires. They will end up in chaos. From that time on, I stop my  believe on hedonism will work.

Other things I want to explain is that I found a fascination video which answers questions on many human, that why we are exist on this earth, what we should do and we where will go. It is cornering in one answers: there is only One God. I expect the atheist watch the videos. As a debater, I can say that the video really appeals my logical though and it is really astonishing. I am now reading the book of Fethullah Gulen: Islam Rahmatan Lil ‘Alamin, not yet finish but I am intending to finish it. It is like pouring my hearts with the facts that this is the correct path, Islam and it is fulfilling the need of logic and the need of heart of human.That actually Islam is logical, Quran is genuine and Prophet Muhammad is an honest man. Those all things drives me in more eager to know more about this religion. I am born in Islam family, yet I didnt really know that Islam is that massive and that fascinating  and that perfect due to my lack of reading.

The video of the Mehdi Hasan, The TalkIslam, the book of Fethullah Gulen, the Insist.com, the Naquib Al Attas, drives me into conclution: Nurul, you gotto read more about Islam, read news more, read history more, read awesome and juicy more, know more about your Prophet coz this is just so amazing.

frankly speaking, this is somehow drag my attention away from my thesis in my college. I found it kind of flat sometime, and the intention to know about certain issues in International related to Islam are more appealing on me compare to the thesis I made in my college task -I am an undergraduate student-.

I cannot say that I am will run away from the thesis and just keep on KEPO-ing issues I interested in. Since, if I do that , than it is means that I neglect my presence as an academical student who study English Language Teaching. All I need to do is tranferring the fire I have to the finishing of my study. Perhaps I have to set certain target or makin a timeline about the thesis I will done.

What kind of future I wanna have? Um, a delicate questions. I am not that suitable for being a teacher in high school. I have tried in my internship in a certain high school and I feel I am neither that expert on it nor in passion in it. For being a professor thats gonna be awesome. Speak up the theory I create and share it to others in classes and seminars. But, that’s gonna be quite tight schedule in my life then.

wait, what about being a wife, and life in a house and read the book all day. Books that are in my passion: Politics, Ideology, culture, humanity, war, governance, Islam, nations, races, worlds citizenship, Muslims in Europe and other continents, history, debate of the current issues and then write it down in my blog or producing books related to my though after exposing my self to tons of books which are juicy. I share my knowledge based on the truth and the truth is logic and truth is Islam. That’s gonna be awesome life I have. I can be really free and really involve in my thoughs and still uphold my responsibility as Mom and as a Wife to balance the wing of my husband in my marriage.

I am not saying becoming a professor is not good, there are professiors who are women and they are muslims, but here I insert my personal opinion toward what kind of life I want to have in the future based on my own subjective. Whch of this kind of life I will have in the future, I pray to Allah to make me fight my best to reach his Jannah.

The more I know Islam, the more I know about responsibility, individual and society. The more I respect the knowldege. The more I value life. The more I be mature on seeing problem, not followig certain whim. It serves me a logical thouht that actually love can makes Allah’s will win over the low whim of evil in myself. The more I understand about diginity. The more I understand of appreciating. The more I undertand that atheist is a symbol of foolishness and ungrateful and blind.

to end this writing, well I dont know how long I will life. But for you guys, who ever you are, where ever you what, what ever the color of your skin, what ever the outfit you wear, you can take the good things from my posts here and leave out the bad. I write this as my infestation for my afterlife. Since If die and people are still reading my writing and they have willingness to do good deed the InsyaAllah I get merit on that.

So I thank you so much
May Allah keep this hidayah and increase the hidayah on me and on you guys.

Nurul Huda