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Many think and perceive the we are the accumulation of what we did in the past. Well it can be true and it can be not true. In certain extend it can be accepted, in certain extend it cannot. To the extend of admitting the status quo who and why we are right now, that gist of idea can be bought.Yet, to the extend of the change that we want to make, I choose not to buy that argument.

If we stick to the “I am determined on what I do in my past”to change things we want in the future, I guess it is likely that we cannot change anything.

I listened to Dream Theater “The Spirit Carries On” and I took a deep breath. Before praying Dhuha,some list of mistakes I had done appeared and they were disturbing my mind.Some mistakes came and haunted me and it feels like I cannot say no to that. My laziness if I can confess. I do not take care of my time that good . Hence,many of my talents are not used to the optimum level.

I also have the idea in the past that I must be below thestandard of the ‘role model’ I have. Such a paradigm I stick on until I read the book of Faldo Maldini “Karena selama hidup kita belajar”. He makes the person he picks as the role model as a profile he should surpass. Man, that’s deep. I now try to embrace such kind of ideas from his thoughts that I should surpass the role models –who spread quite many around me- .

Not to mention, sometime pessimism appears –I’m human,though :D-  and I learn form a junior ofmine Afnesha Noveriana Chang, who will soon leave for UK for her master program. “I will not leave something I’ve started unfinished ”.  It sparks the nobility of hard work. And yes,the more discussion I have with her, the more I got others fascinating thoughts from her. As a human, shealso ever feel tired. She said “I take a break for a while and then I go gain.” Yep, she take a break for a while and run again. Such an awesome hard worker lady. 😀

More about her, to get a scholarship abroad she doesn’t get it easily. “I failed for countless time but at the end Allah paid it off”. See? She did fail before gaining the victory. One of a friend of a friend of my junior Anna Kurnia said that “You had better to loose your ‘loosing stock’ as many as you can. And once you have run out of your ‘loosing stock’ what left for you is the stock of your winning.” Now the question come to me: How often do I compete in my life? Competing my laziness?

. . .

Back to the topic of the from bitter time to better time.
What should we do then ?

After making that so much list of the past mistakes we have done, what to do next? Is to put in our head a big question: “WHEN WILL YOU DIE?” (sorry to make it in caps lock, no offend :D)

So, yes that such question need to be placed in our head before we start to make a change we want to. The change in the mind is a must before the change in reality, my principle if I can say. 🙂

The angle of death can come in the time and condition that we never know; whether or are young enough or old enough , either because of certain reason or no reason. After knowing that we can die in no time,  we would rethink on what conduct we do right now. Hm, also the conduct that we have done in the past . Other questions appear: Is that conduct I have done efficient? Are they productive? Do they bring more harm than good or vice versa?  And guys , it really demands us one thing. One thing to answer these question:Honesty.

Yep, we gotta be honest to answer those question. Extremely honest. Put aside the ego for a while. Sit and talk with yourself. Alone.

. . .

Then here is the real power come: The Power of Repent

Allah opens the door for us to back to Him until before the angle of death comes. Being pessimistic that Allah wont forgive us is similar with desperate.And Allah do not like those who are feeling hopeless toward His forgiveness and His mercy. Hence, let’s ask forgiveness to Allah and Allah will ease the path of those who want to return to Him.

As what Afnesha said “Run! Then, there is a block or failure. Then take a rest. After that run again. Keep trying. Hard workswill be paid off!”

PS: After praying Dhuha I ask forgiveness to Allah for the mistakes that haunt me.
May Allah accept my apology and help me to run the rest of my life in a better way and end in the best way.

Thanks for reading guys 😀
peace, then run to elevate 😀

Nurul Huda
Ramadan 1436 H day 12
#bukubelajar #hardwork #repent #ramadhan #betterme