This Ramadan is special for me. I learn a lot. I am trying to ponder my thought in doing it. You know, usually I did it merely for ritual. I read quran just to catch up with the target. And I the good news for this year is that I get used to know ustadz Nouman Ali Khan speech in video in you tube before the ramadan has been started.
From where to start? I’m an ENFP, and I know quite a lot if it. That I have the tendency of boredom quite high and as a debater I’m good in making rational excuse of mistake I did. Sometime overlook of what not good I have and merely focus on what good I have. Which in certain extend it is not good to do.
I ain’t make this piece of writing as a mourning. I make it to write down what is speaking in my head right now. Last night, I make dua to Allah to help me to be better. I tell him that I am an ENFP and I ask him to help me to deal with the bad sides of me. Sometimes, I cannot stick on the schedule because of the boredom that sip into my head. I have small –but immerse—strong intention in finishing big agendas in my life so far. I got awesome agendas done in my life so far. But they are only few of them. Few from the amount that I am actually capable in doing.
I am sure, in Quran, there is a way to help an ENFP as well. This morning I continue to read the juz 2. For my entire life- for the record, I’m 25 years old now- I only once finish reciting 30 juz of quran during Ramadan. And that is Ramadan 1436 H a.k.a this year in 2015.
In reading juz 2, I found an ayat which burst me in tears:
“Fighting is prescribed for you, “ I tell to myself, perhaps this context is for war. Hm but if I take this ayat to my daily life and I will say yes. Yes for fighting my laziness.
The ayat continue “and you dislike it” and I’m starting to take it serious about it and suspect that the next word are going to talk about the like and dislike which really become the basis of my attitude toward the world. I have been reading this Al Baqarah surat for several times and some of the continuation of the ayat I can predict. But not many of them, just small part of it. Oke, continue the ayat Nurul..
“But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and you know not.” Al Baqarah ayat 216. And I burst in tears…
It breaks the building of my fundamental paradigm. As an ENFP I do take like and dislike in doing things. No wonder you –if any of you know who I am in the real life- will see me really good in doing several things. Debating perhaps. And analyze things in critical way. Or speaking in English. Why I’m good at those? The answer is simple: because I like those things.
As human, dealing with things we like and things we don’t like is inevitable. This is thing that I don’t put into my mental dictionary. My rule is “I don’t like it. I don’t do it”. Now guys, you know why that Albaqarah ayat 216 makes me cry a river? yeah, it shook me up. Man, it really hit the ‘principle’ of my life.
Last several days, I got good quotes from Nouman Ali Khan videos. That is “You don’t need to compare your self with others. You need to compare your self to your self of yesterday” Which also hit my mind. I used to compare my achievement with other which in certain extend makes me depress. And Alhamdulillah Im free now. From a psychological ‘war’ I made my self in.
And in the next day, I listened to his video again. And this is wake me up as well. “When you work for something, the joy of it is so much more. Even if it is a mini skill. Even if it is insignificant.”. Which drives me into a conclusion : “Real happiness come from a lot of work”.
I got “the” ingredient of ENFP there in that very notion of NAK: happiness! That is the ultimate thing I want to live my life with. I want to live my life to the fullest, to the HAPPINESS (Caps lock means I really underline that word, hehe 😀 )
Then now I try to write down the logic
1. Happiness is what I am aim for in this word
2. Real happiness come from a lot of work
3. Like and dislike is inevitable in this world
4. I don’t like to work a lot if I don’t like it
5. It is possible the things I don’t like is good for me and that things that do like bad for me as what mention in Al Baqarah ayat 216
Next, I go to the conclution that my heart flutter to write it
Here we go in three.. two.. one
“The ONLY way for me to achieve my HAPPINESS to the fullest is to WORK A LOT regardless my attitude toward the work a lot I do. It is either I LIKE or DISLIKE it, I just need to GO because like and dislike can deceive me in such a way.”
Ramadan 1436 day 16